If your sexual partner typically crosses the finish line while you’re still running a race with no end in sight, it can be frustrating. And, for an alarming number of heterosexual women, it’s the infuriating reality of sex. Today we’re talking about the gender orgasm gap. This is the difference between men and women’s sexual satisfaction, and a struggle that many of us know all too well.
It appears that penetrative sex alone simply doesn’t cut it for most women, and that women need oral sex and clitoral stimulation if they’re going to orgasm. The reasons for the orgasm gap are multi-faceted, and some of them will take a long time to remedy. Following are some tips that will hopefully bring you a little closer to that coveted finish line.
Tips to Bridge the Gender Orgasm Gap: Faking, Masturbation and Arousal
1. Don’t Fake It: Faking your orgasm can cause a miscommunication between you and your sexual partner. Orgasm tells a partner that whatever you did together gets you off. So they’re often going to try and repeat those things to get the same result.
2. Masturbate Together: Couples should masturbate together so they can see how each person touches themselves. Women masturbate very differently than men do so they can teach each other. (Read: 8 Masturbation Tips.)
3. Build Arousal Slowly: Slow down – no touching the vagina until you are really turned on. Your labia should be plump and erect just like the penis when you are aroused. Stay in foreplay for as long as possible to build arousal slowly.
Tips to Bridge the Gender Orgasm Gap: Keep it In, What Gets You Off Alone And A Learning Curve
4. Stay In: In and out friction is what’s pleasurable for the man, but this action isn’t conducive to the level of clitoral stimulation women need. What’s often much more pleasurable for the woman is his penis staying inside so that the clitoris stays in contact with the area above the penis.
5. Think About What Gets You Off Alone: We know what makes us come when we’re going solo. Whatever that is, bring as much of it into sex with partners as you can, whether that’s bringing the fantasies in your head, or showing them how to do what you like.
6. Treat This as a Learning Curve: Men need to know that until they have the map to their partner’s pleasure it’s going to be a voyage of discovery. This takes time, patience, love, respect, and placing their partner’s pleasure and orgasm as their primary goal.
Tips to Bridge the Gender Orgasm Gap: Getting on Top, Experimenting and Talking
7. Get On Top: When it comes to positions for penetrative sex, experts agree that getting on top will help get you off because it provides open access for clitoral stimulation. It also gives the woman the freedom to have more control of the movements so she can get into a rhythm that feels good.
8. Experiment With Positions: Getting on top isn’t the be all and end all, as doggy style can be a good position for clitoral stimulation as well. Anything that can give direct stimulation to the clitoris works.
9. Talk About Sex Outside The Bedroom: Start by doing more talking about sex when you’re not actually engaging in sex. That can help build trust and comfort and practice that makes doing it during easier.
Tips to Bridge the Gender Orgasm Gap: Talk, Toys and Oral
10. Tell Your Partner When Something Feels Good: We know that faking your orgasm will give your partner the wrong message about what’s working for you. If you feel comfortable, voice it when things do feel good and show them what you like when you can.
11. Add Toys To The Equation: If you use a vibrator on your own, then it’s worth considering using it when you’re having sex with your partner. The idea that toys are just for when you’re alone is silly. Read: Introducing toys into the relationship.
12. Plan To Give Oral: The majority of women won’t orgasm from intercourse alone and that’s simply down to biology. The clitoris is full of nerve endings, while only the outer third of the vagina tends to have responsive nerves.
13. Don’t Worry: Try not to get stressed if you don’t come. There can be outside factors that have a major effect on a woman’s ability to have an orgasm. In these situations, consider seeking advice from a medical professional or trained sex counsellor.
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