Sexology 101

Dom Sub: 6 Sexy Ideas Domination and submission are wide categories, and mean different things to different people.

We’re always hearing that we could be having better sex, a better orgasm or a better relationship. But how often do we hear how we can better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions like those in a Dom sub relationship?

As a reminder, domination and submission are pretty wide categories, and mean different things to different people. Some of the games on this list might sound really hot; some may feel like they cross the line. Talk through each of these suggestions together and see which ones seem safe and sexy to the two of you.

Of course, don’t forget to discuss boundaries and safe words. You can’t play these types of games unless you and your partner are great communicators who are willing to talk about the ins and outs of sexual safety!

Dom Sub Tampa: Our Suggestions

  1. The Guessing Game. This is an incredibly hot game that can be adjusted for all different levels. The Dom blindfolds the sub or makes them promise to keep their eyes closed. Once the sub can’t see, the Dom collects a series of items to stimulate the sub’s body with (make sure to agree on the specific items beforehand, or at least agree on whether or not pain will be involved). As they’re being touched with each item, the sub has to guess what the item is. A correct guess might elicit a reward, while an incorrect one might earn a “punishment”.
  2. Sensory Deprivation. You can take any of your Dom/sub play to the next level by cutting off one or more of the sub’s senses at a time. The sub will feel even more at the mercy of their Dom, as when one sense is eliminated, the others get heightened. Try blindfolding the sub or have them wear earplugs or headphones, so they can’t hear any of the Dom’s movements.
  3. Clothes Control. An easy Dom/sub game to play is to allow the Dom to pick what the sub wears. You can limit it to a play session, or a specific day, or you can try longer periods of time. The Dom can choose sexy lingerie, accessories, role-playing outfits or demand that the sub be naked all day.
  4. Hidden Signs. It’s one thing for the Dom to exert influence over their sub within the confines of their own home, but another to take it out in public. Have the Dom pick something that the sub has to wear out and about. Some hot possibilities are a collar or harness that can be hidden under clothing. Or try a sex toy, like a pair of Ben-Wa balls.
  5. Surprise Demands. There are a million different ways to play this game, but the basic idea is that the Dom surprises their sub with a specific set of personal requirements that have to be fulfilled by the time the Dom gets home. The Dom can leave a list in a place where the sub will find it, or can send text or an email. The Dom can make it as simple or as elaborate as they please. It can even be set up like a treasure hunt, with specific clues to follow.
  6. Remote Domination. Long-distance lovers can get in on the Dom/sub action too, thanks to all of the Bluetooth-enabled sex toys flooding the market these days. The Dom can instruct the sub to insert the toy and wait until the Dom decides to turn it on. The Dom can tease their sub by only giving them little tastes of vibratory pleasure. The sub can also be given specific instructions not to orgasm, even as the Dom goes to town with the controls.

Ready to get started with a Dom Sub Relationship?

Before you do, stop by the best adult store Tampa to shop our complete line of adult products, including adult apparel, adult toys, and complete line of fetish toys.  Throw some sexy lingerie into the mix!


How to Peg Your Man for the First Time It's not something you should rush into.

There’s so much swag and accessories that goes along with pegging, it’s easy to skip past all the stuff you need to know in order to deal with how to try pegging and go straight for the shopping trips to get ready to peg your man for the first time. While the shopping is all well and good, there are 5 things you should know about your adventure into the wonderful world of pegging. We’re hoping to make your journey enjoyable for all parties involved.

Create a plan of action to peg your man.

So, your boyfriend casually mentions that he wants to try pegging. Here’s what NOT to do.  Do not go out, buy the biggest strap-on dildo you can find and then stick it right up his bottom. Casually mentioning a desire to explore – and actually following through with it – are very, very different things. Before the two of you start pegging, you need to talk.

Find out how much knowledge and experience he has, if any at all. Talk about any concerns or insecurities that might accompany his desire to be pegged. You might feel insecure when asked to peg your man, believing that they aren’t satisfying their partner. But the pleasure men experience from prostate stimulation is simply different than what they enjoy from standard intercourse. Getting these conversations out of the way before you get started will make you both more comfortable and happy going in. Set up a plan of action going forward – schedule a trip to shop together, and to set up different sessions to explore pegging.

Start small.

Unless your man has a lot of experience with pegging, you will want to start off with a butt plug, toy or finger that is on the smaller size. Also remember it must have a flared base, where it’s wider at the top than where it goes in or it will easily just be swallowed alive. If this is the first time your partner has ever had anything put inside his butt, it’s a dangerous idea to leap straight to a full pegging. It’s dangerous for him because it can be painful, and it’s dangerous for you because you don’t know how much speed and force to use without causing your partner pain or tearing.

Before you step into your newly acquired strap-on dildo, work your way up, starting with some humble play to help prepare him for what’s to come. It will also give YOU a great anatomy lesson. Using your fingers to explore inside him until you find the prostate and learning to stimulate it will be great knowledge to have when you actually peg your man.

Lube it up – always – before you peg your man.

When you are in the heat of the moment, it is easy to forget lube; plus, if your partner seems open, you might think he doesn’t need lube at all. When it comes to pegging – or any kind of anal sex – the more lube, the better.  The human anus has not one, but TWO sets of sphincters.  There are the sphincters we can see externally, and then a second set deeper inside the anus.

Using lube makes your initial penetration through both sets of sphincters that much easier while creating a hot sense of friction.  Just make sure the kind of lube you have purchased is compatible with your toys. The silicone based lube you have for your own playtime won’t work with your all of your toys – we suggest buying specialty water-based lube to use with toys only. That prevents the toy’s material from breaking down and potentially leaking chemicals into his body or yours.

Talk dirty.

Pegging isn’t just the act of penetrating a man with a with a strap-on dildo – it’s an entire sexual experience. Men love pegging because of the stimulation it gives to their prostate, but some men also love the role reversal that takes place when it’s a woman doing the work. It goes to follow then, that you should make the most of that role reversal. You’re dominating him when you’re pegging him, so dominate him with your dirty talk too! Test the waters by asking him if he likes the way something feels – you won’t know until you try.  But don’t force it – if dirty talk while you peg isn’t for you, don’t pretend that it is.

Keep it clean when you peg your man.

You can be very dirty together and still remain hygienic. No toys that have been in his butt should ever go in your vagina unless they have been properly cleaned. Any bacteria that is picked up from the anus could be harmful to the vagina.

It’s also a good idea for him to anally douche with water before you begin to peg your man so that you have a fresh butthole to enjoy. Also, please remember to clean your sex toys before using them the first time, too! Fresh out of the package doesn’t always mean the thing is actually fresh. Safe is so much better than sorry, and if you do it right, you can turn your pre-washing of sex toys into a hot little foreplay game.

Ready to peg your man for the first time? Stop by the best adult products store in Tampa for adult toys, including strap-ons, vibrators and fetish toys. Our adult apparel line includes an extensive selection of lingerie, dancewear, shoes and costumes and much more!

Need some more dom/sub ideas? Check out our blog!

Sexology 101

Dom Sub Tampa: Your Questions Answered! Our Christmas gift to you!

We are getting asked an increasing number of questions regarding <a href=’>Dom Sub Tampa relationships, so today we thought we’d share the most common ones.

Why do couples prefer Dom/sub relationships?

Dom Sub Tampa is one aspect of the wider category of BDSM (Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadomasochism), also referred to as kink. Some people are into all of the things listed under BDSM, and some only a couple of them. Dom Sub is generally distinguished from SM because it is more about power than about physical sensation.

Of course it is pretty common for sex and power to be combined in our culture. For example, a lot of romance fiction involves people being rescued from peril or being swept away by somebody more powerful, and a lot of people fantasize about having the power of being desirable to their partner.

What is involved in a Dom/sub relationship Tampa?

If somebody identifies as being in a Dom Sub relationship, they probably include power play in their sex life. People can identify as dominant, submissive, or switch, which means that they are sometimes dominant and sometimes submissive. Some people stick to the same roles each time they play, or they may assume different roles on different occasions.

For most people, being Dom Sub will be something that they only do some of the time but not always. Such scenes could involve any kind of switch of power. Some people have lifestyle or 24/7 arrangements, where one person always takes the dominant, and the other takes on the submissive role.

Why do so many people have misconceptions of Dom Sub Tampa?

The media portrayal of BDSM has tended to be very negative, often associating it with violence, danger, abuse, madness and criminality. Research has shown that people who are into BDSM are actually no different from others in terms of emotional wellbeing or upbringing.

Often the media focuses on the most extreme examples, such as very heavy and/or 24/7 Dom Sub arrangements, rather than the more common relationships where there are elements of Dom Sub.

How do couples go about beginning a Dom Sub relationship in Tampa?

A good idea for all people in relationships, whether or not they are interested in Dom Sub Tampa, is to communicate about what they like sexually early on, and more broadly about what roles they like to take in the relationship.

For example, one good activity is to create a list as a couple of all of the sexual practices that either of you is aware of, and then to go down it writing ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘maybe’ about whether it is something that interests you, and sharing your thoughts. It can also be good to share sexual fantasies or favorite images/stories and to talk about whether (and, if so, how) they might be incorporated into your sex life.

It is very important that people only do things that they really want to try (rather than feeling pressured into certain activities) and that it is accepted that there will likely to be areas that aren’t compatible as well as those that are.

Some people have a Dom Sub relationship outside of an existing relationship – how can this affect a relationship?

Although it isn’t always out in the open, many couples have arrangements where they are open to some extent, such as open relationships, swinging, and ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ agreements.

Having different sexual desires is one reason why some couples open up their relationship to one or both of them being sexual with another person. If this desire is communicated clearly, kindly and thoughtfully, it can work perfectly well.

In regards to the hit book 50 Shades of Grey, many husbands have bought this for their wives and girlfriends – does it help?

One of the good things about 50 Shades of Grey is that it has opened up this kind of conversation for many people. However, it is important not to assume that the only form of BDSM is the one described in the book. In a heterosexual couple it may well be that the woman is more dominant, for example, or that both people switch roles, and the things that they enjoy may well be different to the ones which Ana and Christian engage in.

Ready to get started in your Dom Sub relationship in Tampa? Stop by the best adult store in Tampa today and we’ll show you our complete line of Fifty Shades of Grey fetish toys and accessories! And don’t forget to check out our complete line of adult products such as adult toyslingerie, sex furniture, sex games and more! Our expert, discreet female staff is here to help!

Sexology 101

Wondering Why You Can’t Orgasm? It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you!

If you can’t orgasm – either when you’re alone or with a partner, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your vagina. Instead, it probably means there might be some obstacles preventing you from feeling emotionally and physically involved.

But don’t be worried – with a few tips and tricks, you’ll reach that orgasm (maybe even more than one) in no time at all. Today we’re discussing why you can’t orgasm and how best to stay aroused.

You’re Not Showing the Clit Enough Love

Many women think they ‘should’ be able to have an orgasm from vaginal penetration in and of itself, but this is categorically untrue. In fact less than 25 percent of women can orgasm from vaginal sex alone. The vaginal walls do contain pleasurable nerve endings, but the clitoris is where the most intense sensation is generated and it has more nerve endings than any part of the human body, in both males and females. It is a remarkably sensitive organ that has to be stimulated for most women to achieve orgasm. So, you’ll want to choose sex positions that stimulate the clit, too. A tip? Get a vibrator just for clit stimulation.

You’re Too Stressed

If you’ve been spending too much at the office, you might be losing time spent over orgasms when at home. As it turns out, if you’re mentally drained, it’ll mess with your ability to stay fully relaxed until the end and your libido will plummet. Mental factors include self-esteem, body-image issues, self-judgment, and negative messaging about sex from childhood.

Being focused on your body takes you out of your body and into your head, and pleasure is body-based, so if our head is taking up all the space in the room with criticism, worrying about positioning, and comparing ourselves to others, it’s unlikely you could tune into your body enough to feel pleasure so you can’t orgasm.  A tip? Get comfortable with yourself and masturbate more – it will help relieve anxiety and improve your pelvic muscles. Try using a vibrator, and to make yourself wet faster during a dry spell from stress, you can get some help from lube.

You’re Taking Medication That Affects Your Libido

Unfortunately, while you might need to address one health problem, you could be affecting another. Some medications can lower your sex drive and prevent you from reaching orgasm. Some medications – particularly those used to treat depression and anxiety – can cause a drop in libido. In fact, they can actually produce a decrease in sensitivity or sexual responsiveness. This is important information to know and may require you to rely on a vibrator and masturbation for orgasms.


You’ve Had Some Type of Sexual Trauma in the Past

If you’ve had a history of abuse or sexual trauma, it can definitely impact your performance and ability to climax unless it’s resolved. Survivors of sexual abuse or assault have a range of experiences during partnered and solo sex ranging from PTSD symptoms that cause panic attacks to being present and calm but unable to connect with their partner or their body. (If this is you, read how you can heal here.)

 A survivor can know she’s now safe, but her body may still be holding onto fear, and when fear is present, an orgasm is not going to happen. The goal is a combination of the mind and body so the survivor feels safe and in control of her body and her pleasure.

You’re Feeling Pressure From Yourself or Your Partner

Pressure can come from you or your partner. If you’re giving yourself a hard time, wondering why you haven’t climaxed yet or feeling anxious about it, it could be the problem. And, likewise, if your partner is bombarding you with questions about why you are not reaching orgasm, it can be a real turn off. Tell your partner that whether you come or not, you’re still having an amazing time. Or, if you know exactly what gets you off, tell them – and show them – what to do. How to show them? Try the We-Vibe Sync so you can both get off. (Here’s how to use a couples vibrator.)

If you can’t orgasm, keep these tips in mind, and by all means get yourself a good vibrator in Tampa!


Check out our article on 11 Interesting Things You Probably Didn’t Know About The Vagina!

Sexology 101

8 Things Every Woman Should Know Before Trying Kink Ladies, let your freak flag fly!

Kinky sex can be a bit intimidating because it includes everything from bondage to BDSM and role-play. Fortunately, you don’t have to jump into a life of sadomasochism to try out kink.  Stepping outside of your comfort zone in the bedroom can be difficult and, for women, sometimes even harder. After all, letting your sexual freak flag fly isn’t part of your average girlhood experience.

But, never fear – trying new things is natural to a person’s sexual development. We’re always growing and changing. You don’t reach the end of your sexual development unless you forget to keep going or you put an artificial limit on it.

So, if you’re new to kinky play and don’t know where to start, read our handy tips before your next sexual escapade.

  1. Kinky sex is different for everyone.  It’s a form of playing and is everything that falls outside of the confines of having sex simply to orgasm, which means it can take many different forms. Kink is an umbrella term that includes everything from sadomasochism (SM) to bondage, fantasy, sensation and toy play.  To bring it back down a notch, sometimes simply bringing a vibrator into your sex life with a partner can be kinky.
  2. Communication, trust and consent are key. Communication is key for any sexual activity, but it’s even more important when stepping outside of your comfort zone. You should always have a full conversation with your partner about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. If you don’t take care of your inhibitions or your worries beforehand, then you probably won’t have a very good experience. If you’re going to try this with your partner, you still have to communicate what your limits are and how you will express those limits.
  3. Make sure you set boundaries before you get started. If someone’s tying you up, you’ll probably want to be on the same page beforehand. Setting ground rules and boundaries (such as agreeing on a safe word) will be the difference between kink working and not working for you.
  4. Do your research. Get some sort of masturbation material and find out what your fantasies are. It will really guide you in the right direction of getting what you want and finding out what you need in order to get what you want. Talk to your friends. Talk to your partner. If you’re still not ready to talk about it, pick up a copy of 50 Shades Of Grey.
  5. Start out small. Most beginners aren’t going to dive into a 24/7 lifestyle of sadomasochism and that’s just fine. Start by buying a vibrator (if you don’t own one already). Talk to your partner about using sex toys together. Explore your own fantasies.
  6. For kink, sex toys are quite literally all around you.  A wooden spoon works very well as a paddle. We don’t suggest using scarves or neck ties as restraints because they’re slick and they can tighten more than it’s safe. A proper set of restraints is a really good idea.  As for that wooden spoon, striking somebody means you have to know a little bit about where it’s ok to strike someone, so, again, do your research.
  7. You probably won’t hit it out of the park on your first try, and that’s okay.  Like most other experiences, kinky takes practice. You’ll get better at it the more you do it.  The more communicating you do the better you’ll get at whatever you choose to try. And the more you practice this kind of sex play, the more you’ll learn about yourself and the better you’ll be at it. Don’t expect great things the very first time.
  8. Variety is the spice of life. Trying out new things is essential to a healthy and enjoyable sex life. You don’t have to become a full-blown dominatrix, but getting out of your comfort zone (in a safe and consensual way) is really important.  Stepping outside of any ruts or boxes you find yourself in just gives yourself a chance to find something new that you like.It’s summer…step out of your sexual comfort zone and let your kink flag fly, ladies!
Sexology 101

Fill Up On These Sexy Thanksgiving Foods Tomorrow!

When most of us think of Thanksgiving, we’re reminded of food-coma inducing Thanksgiving dinners at the family table. This year, why not start your own traditions, emphasizing the sexy side of Turkey Day, armed with the knowledge that many of your favorite holiday foods have aphrodisiac properties?

Take a look at this list and share your knowledge at the Thanksgiving table.

Rosemary:. Rosemary is high in calcium, iron and vitamin B6, a known a stress-reducer that will put you in a relaxed mood, ready for romance. Poke a few fresh or dry leaves under the surface of the turkey’s skin, and throw a bundle of sprigs with a whole lemon cut in half and squeezed well into the interior cavity along with the stuffing. It’s a potent herb, so a little goes a long way to make your whole house smell intoxicating.

Pumpkins: The aroma of pumpkin pie increases blood flow to the genitals in men and women. Pumpkins are healthy and tasty, and also contain many libido-increasing vitamins. Counted among the secret weapons of pumpkin seeds are potassium, niacin, calcium and phosphorous, all of which contribute to our sex drives. High levels of zinc in pumpkin seeds keep men’s testosterone levels normalized by stopping the enzyme that converts testosterone into estrogen in men.

Cranberries: Bright red, tart and delicious, these colorful symbols of fall add that special zest to the Thanksgiving table. They moisten and enhance the flavor of turkey meat and accompany stuffing, potatoes and greens with equal flair. But did you know that they are packed with Vitamin C, Vitamin A, and anti-oxidants that keep your sex glands running smoothly?

Nutmeg & Cinnamon: The heady fragrance of these two spices conjures up holiday memories. You can toss them into a pot with red wine to make mulled wine; you can bake with them, and even use them for part of a centerpiece decoration on your table. They also have aphrodisiac properties when ingested in moderation. Nutmeg sweetens the breath (great for kissing), increases body temperature and creates a sense of wellbeing, all properties conducive to getting into a romantic mood.  Cinnamon possesses anti-inflammatory properties and helps with indigestion and preventing flatulence, which can definitely help your confidence with romance after a big meal!

Celery: Celery contains a male hormone that causes arousal in women. It also stimulates the pituitary gland, which releases sexual hormones, so this one-two punch can send out pheromones through the sweat glands and aid in sexual attraction! Chop up a handful of celery stocks into your stuffing this year, to keep it moist and add a secret dash of sexy!

It’s time to create your own traditions and get the most romance out of your holiday table. Stock up on all your favorite festive foods this season knowing that they are packed with added value for your sex life!


Sexology 101

BDSM for Stress Relief?

While bondage, domination, and sadomasochism have seen steadily increasing acceptance in our mainstream culture, it’s natural for people to wonder just what the allure is of this somewhat scary sexual phenomenon. But the truth is that when engaging in BDSM with a trusted and consenting partner, there’s nothing at all to fear and quite a bit to gain!

Research has indicated that engaging in BDSM can offer health benefits that extend beyond sexual satisfaction, including stress reduction. Of the people studied who practice and enjoy BDSM, certain mental traits were shared, such as being less phobic, more outgoing, open to new experiences and less sensitive to rejection.

So how does it reduce stress?

There is actually a scientific reason, and it’s similar to a runner’s high. Submissive partners enjoy a relaxed, peaceful sense of mind, while dominants experience their own endorphin-filled version, which is coupled with an increased sense of control and success.

Studies also included saliva samples that were taken of people engaging in BDSM before, during, and after the act. In both the submissive and dominant partners, lower levels of the stress hormone cortisol were reported after participating.

Can BDSM actually increase intimacy?

Exploring each other’s fetishes is an important component of any relationship and a partner’s willingness to explore and then act on their partner’s desires is vital when establishing and growing their connection. Additionally, the intense level of communication during BDSM creates a greater sense of trust in each other, which is the true foundation of honest intimacy.

That said, the benefits of BDSM can be enjoyed in endless ways. Browse our entire collection of fetish toys to find the perfect introduction to exploring BDSM.

Restraints: What’s BDSM without restraints? Tease your lover to your delight with the Fetish Fantasy Under the Bed Restraints. The unit installs between the mattress and box spring of your bed. Ankle and wrist cuffs extend out of the head and foot of the bed.

Paddles: Also popular is the painful pleasure that is derived from spanking. Try our ruler with a perfect grip for spanking. We also have a Beginner’s Paddle or the Sex & Mischief Paddle for the more advanced.

Gags: Want to dive into BDSM with a little more intensely? Try our Breathable Ball Gag, which features a unique cylinder shape, as well as just enough breathing holes to provide a bit of comfort in this otherwise restraining piece. The length is adjustable so it will fit almost anyone.

Spice up your fetish play life with just the right adult sex toys – from blindfolds and gags to restraints and whips – and erotic lingerie. Browse the fetish collection or find your passion among corsets, role-play costumes, or body stockings – all available at the premier adult store in Tampa – Everything Sexy 4 Play!

Sexology 101

How Kegel Exercises Can Enhance Your Sex Life!

When it comes to Kegel exercises, benefits for women are typically pointed out. And while it’s true that they’re a specific benefit to women in many ways, these exercises can benefit men as well. Today we’re discussing what to do, how to do it, and the sex toys that can help you try out these uniquely beneficial exercises!

More Intense Orgasms: While it may appear obvious that Kegel exercises would result in stronger orgasms, no decisive studies have been conducted to prove the connection. But people who perform Kegel exercises regularly report stronger and more intense orgasms, as well as an increased probability of multiple orgasms.

Kegels enhance and promote blood circulation in the vaginal region, so they also increase lubrication and the potential for arousal. Some people can even experience hands-free orgasms by contracting these muscles! In addition, Kegel exercises benefits include the fact that strengthened pelvic muscles can help some women experience vaginal orgasms, as well as increase clitoral stimulation.

Benefits For Men: What most people don’t realize is that stronger pelvic muscles are another way for men to stay on top of their sexual health. Kegel exercises benefits for men include setting themselves up for both good prostate health and better and stronger erections and orgasms.

Kegel exercises for men are quite similar to Kegels for women. The first step is to find the kegel muscle; the easiest way for a man to do this is to stop peeing midstream and place two fingers behind his testicles. When he resumes peeing, he’ll feel his PC muscle contract.

Tighten the muscle, hold it for 3 seconds, and then relax for 3. That’s it! Try 20 simple Kegel exercises a day to start building pelvic muscle strength. Try them while sitting, standing, or even walking.

Kegel Foreplay Moves: Following are two of the most popular ones.

The Tent-Pitcher: This move gives the man an opportunity to show off, which means he’s sure to love it. Have a little fun together getting him hard, and then place a small piece of cloth over his penis. He should move it up and down 5-10 times for one rep.

The Mini-Thrust: To be performed during sex, this move is for both of you. Simply take turns doing Kegel exercises while one partner is inside the other. One stays still while the other contracts, which will provide the still partner with a sexy little thrust. Repeat until you can’t stand it any longer and feel the buildup in the intensity of the subsequent orgasms!

Exercise and Play With Kegel Toys: While Kegel exercisers and massagers are typically designed for women, men can certainly appreciate their use – and incorporate them into foreplay. Get inspired with some of our most popular Kegel products.

Geisha balls: The usage of Geisha balls is simple and clear. There are 4 balls in the package, every ball having different weight, including the lightest and the heaviest balls on the market. The idea of training is to start with the lightest balls and then gradually increase the weight.

Weighted Pleasure System: When using a vibrator is just not adventurous enough, add a little flavor to your sexual encounters with the L’Amour Premium Weighted Pleasure System. This fun little gadget features two connected balls that are made for easy access. The balls are rounded with a raised lip around the sides for extra sensation, and can be activated to vibrate and move around. No one has to know that you you’re even using them!

Get in the mood with erotic lingerie and adult sex toys whenever the urge strikes and put those Kegel muscles to work!



Sexology 101

How to Discuss Sex With Your Partner

Let’s face it – talking about sex with your partner (or anyone for that matter) can be awkward. Not only are you uncomfortable talking to your friends about the subject, but it can be even harder to talk about sex with your partner because you worry what they’ll think. Will they laugh…be disgusted…how do you even bring it up…how do you talk about sex with your partner??

Take a deep breath. Yes – they might laugh or be surprised – but they also might be totally into it. They may have been waiting for you to raise the topic because they were also nervous and or uncomfortable. Many times our worst-case scenarios don’t happen and what could very well happen is a sexy conversation about your desires.

Embrace the awkward. This topic can be especially difficult if you’ve never discussed it before, but it gets a bit easier with time. Many sex educators even struggle to talk to their own partner(s) about sex.

Have the talk anyway. Swallow your pride and just dive right in. Talking about sex helps you have better sex and stronger relationships because when you do so you build intimacy by learning about each other’s deepest desires. You also give them permission to talk about these things with you. Lastly, you get new ideas. Maybe your partner wants to try something you never thought about before. In short, these conversations help you have a more intimate, adventurous, and satisfying sex life.

5 Ways To Talk To Your Partner About Sex

See, discussing sex doesn’t have to be so difficult – when you are ready to talk to your partner about sex, here are 5 ways to make the conversation easier.

  1. Use this blog post as a reason to start the discussion.Books and blogs are some of the best sex conversation starters. They are so easy to work in by saying, “Hey I was reading this thing today….” like you would any other interesting news.
  1. Talk about one topic at a time. Once you get started talking about sex, it’s easy to want to share everything at once. Don’t. Choose the one that is most important to you and only talk about that. There’s no right or wrong answer – it’s whatever you need to talk about the most.
  1. Know what to discuss when. There are things you talk about during sex and things you talk about once you’re clothes are back on and the blood has returned to your brain. If it’s not on this list, wait until you’re fully clothed to bring it up.
  • Ask permission.
  • Give guidance.
  • Express appreciation.
  • Check-in.
  • Give positive suggestions.
  • Talk dirty.
  • Share if something hurts or feels uncomfortable.
  1. Define what you mean. A lot of things done during sex can have multiple meanings that differ from its actual definition. So let your partner know exactly what you mean when you suggest something.
  1. Avoid yes or no questions. Nothing stops a sex conversation faster than “Have you heard of X?” Instead, try asking what they think about X and only then ask if they are interested in trying it. Let the conversation flow from there – if you don’t ask, you’ll never know!

We can’t promise your partner will be into the same desires as you or that feelings won’t get hurt, but we do know that your desires will never get fulfilled if you don’t take a chance and ask.

Sexology 101

The Fascination with Restraints

While the sale of sex toys skyrocketed in the months following the release of 50 Shades of Grey, it was the huge boost in the sale of restraints and blindfolds that took the adult industry by surprise. Apparently there are a lot of people who are either into – or want to experiment with – bondage and restraints, both with and without discipline. It appears that the trilogy helped normalize a type of behavior that most people previously thought was too kinky to even consider.

So what actually qualifies as a restraint? The reality is that holding your partner down with the weight of your body, or physically grabbing their arms or hands, is a fairly common method of restraint. The next level of restraints may include use of a necktie, scarf or handcuffs. At a more advanced level there are restraints like rope, chain, leather apparatus, ball gags, masks and bondage tape.

So what makes restraints so exciting? Many adults find it liberating to hand over control to their partner. This exchange of power and surrendering of control can awaken and heighten the sensations for both the submissive person and the dominant one. While applying restraints is often used during foreplay, it doesn’t always lead to sex. In fact, simply seeing someone restrained can be sexually stimulating!

What should you do before engaging in restraint play? Unless you know that your partner really wants to do it, you should talk it through to determine acceptable boundaries before you begin and agree on a safe-word. If you’re new to experimenting with restraint play, you should begin slowly to gain trust.

So what happens after a sub (submissive party) has been restrained? There should be eagerness, anticipation and a little fear of the unknown, accompanied by some abandonment of inhibitions and an abundance of lust. If there is some role-play, either or both participants might be dressed in leather, latex, rubber, stockings or other fantasy wear. Often restraint is part of a sexual fantasy so if the atmosphere is right, the experience can be exhilarating and sexually rewarding for all.

Is there always discipline involved? Not always, but the combination of pleasure and pain can be very sensual. When a sub is restrained it’s often their buttocks that are the focus of attention during disciplining. Their size and makeup enables them to endure a lot of punishment with little pain afterwards. Buttocks are often struck with a hand, paddle, flogger, whip or cane. (Obviously pain thresholds should be predetermined to ensure boundaries are not crossed.)

Sex toys such as vibrators, dongs and clitoral stimulators are often used on someone who is restrained, and watching a sub squirm in anticipation can be truly captivating. Having a variety of sex toys and other props to use on a sub can be very seductive, especially since the sub doesn’t have control over what’s being used and when.

For a Dom (dominant party), the power they feel knowing that they can pleasure the sub how and when they want is one of the reasons they get a high from the sex using restraints.

Role-play and bringing sexual fantasies into play is a great way to ensure sex between couples doesn’t become mundane or boring. If what you do is consensual and all parties enjoy it, why not get your restraints on?