Kinky sex can be a bit intimidating because it includes everything from bondage to BDSM and role-play. Fortunately, you don’t have to jump into a life of sadomasochism to try out kink. Stepping outside of your comfort zone in the bedroom can be difficult and, for women, sometimes even harder. After all, letting your sexual freak flag fly isn’t part of your average girlhood experience.
But, never fear – trying new things is natural to a person’s sexual development. We’re always growing and changing. You don’t reach the end of your sexual development unless you forget to keep going or you put an artificial limit on it.
So, if you’re new to kinky play and don’t know where to start, read our handy tips before your next sexual escapade.
- Kinky sex is different for everyone. It’s a form of playing and is everything that falls outside of the confines of having sex simply to orgasm, which means it can take many different forms. Kink is an umbrella term that includes everything from sadomasochism (SM) to bondage, fantasy, sensation and toy play. To bring it back down a notch, sometimes simply bringing a vibrator into your sex life with a partner can be kinky.
- Communication, trust and consent are key. Communication is key for any sexual activity, but it’s even more important when stepping outside of your comfort zone. You should always have a full conversation with your partner about what you are and aren’t comfortable with. If you don’t take care of your inhibitions or your worries beforehand, then you probably won’t have a very good experience. If you’re going to try this with your partner, you still have to communicate what your limits are and how you will express those limits.
- Make sure you set boundaries before you get started. If someone’s tying you up, you’ll probably want to be on the same page beforehand. Setting ground rules and boundaries (such as agreeing on a safe word) will be the difference between kink working and not working for you.
- Do your research. Get some sort of masturbation material and find out what your fantasies are. It will really guide you in the right direction of getting what you want and finding out what you need in order to get what you want. Talk to your friends. Talk to your partner. If you’re still not ready to talk about it, pick up a copy of 50 Shades Of Grey.
- Start out small. Most beginners aren’t going to dive into a 24/7 lifestyle of sadomasochism and that’s just fine. Start by buying a vibrator (if you don’t own one already). Talk to your partner about using sex toys together. Explore your own fantasies.
- For kink, sex toys are quite literally all around you. A wooden spoon works very well as a paddle. We don’t suggest using scarves or neck ties as restraints because they’re slick and they can tighten more than it’s safe. A proper set of restraints is a really good idea. As for that wooden spoon, striking somebody means you have to know a little bit about where it’s ok to strike someone, so, again, do your research.
- You probably won’t hit it out of the park on your first try, and that’s okay. Like most other experiences, kinky takes practice. You’ll get better at it the more you do it. The more communicating you do the better you’ll get at whatever you choose to try. And the more you practice this kind of sex play, the more you’ll learn about yourself and the better you’ll be at it. Don’t expect great things the very first time.
- Variety is the spice of life. Trying out new things is essential to a healthy and enjoyable sex life. You don’t have to become a full-blown dominatrix, but getting out of your comfort zone (in a safe and consensual way) is really important. Stepping outside of any ruts or boxes you find yourself in just gives yourself a chance to find something new that you like.It’s summer…step out of your sexual comfort zone and let your kink flag fly, ladies!