Sexology 101

Wondering Why You Can’t Orgasm? It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you!

If you can’t orgasm – either when you’re alone or with a partner, it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with your vagina. Instead, it probably means there might be some obstacles preventing you from feeling emotionally and physically involved.

But don’t be worried – with a few tips and tricks, you’ll reach that orgasm (maybe even more than one) in no time at all. Today we’re discussing why you can’t orgasm and how best to stay aroused.

You’re Not Showing the Clit Enough Love

Many women think they ‘should’ be able to have an orgasm from vaginal penetration in and of itself, but this is categorically untrue. In fact less than 25 percent of women can orgasm from vaginal sex alone. The vaginal walls do contain pleasurable nerve endings, but the clitoris is where the most intense sensation is generated and it has more nerve endings than any part of the human body, in both males and females. It is a remarkably sensitive organ that has to be stimulated for most women to achieve orgasm. So, you’ll want to choose sex positions that stimulate the clit, too. A tip? Get a vibrator just for clit stimulation.

You’re Too Stressed

If you’ve been spending too much at the office, you might be losing time spent over orgasms when at home. As it turns out, if you’re mentally drained, it’ll mess with your ability to stay fully relaxed until the end and your libido will plummet. Mental factors include self-esteem, body-image issues, self-judgment, and negative messaging about sex from childhood.

Being focused on your body takes you out of your body and into your head, and pleasure is body-based, so if our head is taking up all the space in the room with criticism, worrying about positioning, and comparing ourselves to others, it’s unlikely you could tune into your body enough to feel pleasure so you can’t orgasm.  A tip? Get comfortable with yourself and masturbate more – it will help relieve anxiety and improve your pelvic muscles. Try using a vibrator, and to make yourself wet faster during a dry spell from stress, you can get some help from lube.

You’re Taking Medication That Affects Your Libido

Unfortunately, while you might need to address one health problem, you could be affecting another. Some medications can lower your sex drive and prevent you from reaching orgasm. Some medications – particularly those used to treat depression and anxiety – can cause a drop in libido. In fact, they can actually produce a decrease in sensitivity or sexual responsiveness. This is important information to know and may require you to rely on a vibrator and masturbation for orgasms.


You’ve Had Some Type of Sexual Trauma in the Past

If you’ve had a history of abuse or sexual trauma, it can definitely impact your performance and ability to climax unless it’s resolved. Survivors of sexual abuse or assault have a range of experiences during partnered and solo sex ranging from PTSD symptoms that cause panic attacks to being present and calm but unable to connect with their partner or their body. (If this is you, read how you can heal here.)

 A survivor can know she’s now safe, but her body may still be holding onto fear, and when fear is present, an orgasm is not going to happen. The goal is a combination of the mind and body so the survivor feels safe and in control of her body and her pleasure.

You’re Feeling Pressure From Yourself or Your Partner

Pressure can come from you or your partner. If you’re giving yourself a hard time, wondering why you haven’t climaxed yet or feeling anxious about it, it could be the problem. And, likewise, if your partner is bombarding you with questions about why you are not reaching orgasm, it can be a real turn off. Tell your partner that whether you come or not, you’re still having an amazing time. Or, if you know exactly what gets you off, tell them – and show them – what to do. How to show them? Try the We-Vibe Sync so you can both get off. (Here’s how to use a couples vibrator.)

If you can’t orgasm, keep these tips in mind, and by all means get yourself a good vibrator in Tampa!


Check out our article on 11 Interesting Things You Probably Didn’t Know About The Vagina!

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