Ladies…if you’ve ever had sex and your man rolled over and became completely uninterested in getting physical for the next 30 minutes – while you lie there wondering how long until you can take your vibrator to the bathroom – you know that intercourse is different for men and women.
No, your gender identity doesn’t dictate what your experience of sex is like but how you’re socialized definitely plays a role. And while every individual is different — and men and women are more similar than our grandmothers’ dating tips make it seem — there are some key differences about how men and women view sex.
- Women are better at experiencing multiple orgasms, but it’s not impossible for men. If you’re a woman and you can have one orgasm, you can have multiple orgasms. While men, on the other hand, usually need to wait out a refractory period before round two, a rare few men are able to experience multiple orgasms in which they ejaculate. And although not everyone agrees that a male orgasm without ejaculation is a “true” orgasm, techniques for achieving multiple non-ejaculatory orgasms abound.
- Guys fake orgasms too — they just do it less often than women. A 2010 study of 180 male and 101 female college students showed that of students who had had vaginal intercourse, 28 percent of the men and 67 percent of the women had faked it before. Women are more likely to fake orgasms to end bad sex.
- Oral sex seriously narrows the orgasm gap. Approximately 70 percent of women rarely or never have orgasms through vaginal intercourse. Compare that with the 74 percent of men who climax every time. Depressing, right? And while research suggests that women of all sexualities are having fewer orgasms than men in general, women who have sex with women have significantly more orgasms than women who have sex with men, possibly because they’re spending more time on the acts that are more likely to get them off in the first place.
- Women take longer than men to orgasm during vaginal intercourse. However, it takes women about the same amount of time to orgasm through masturbation as it takes men to orgasm through intercourse. There’s no hard-and-fast rule for how many minutes of vaginal intercourse it takes a woman to climax, but 20 is a commonly cited average number. Men can generally come within five minutes of starting – which according to research is about the same amount of time women need to climax when they’re touching themselves.
- Women can be turned on by sexual scenarios with people of all genders, but that doesn’t mean their orientation isn’t whatever they say it is. Studies have shown that straight and gay women have similar physical responses to films of female-female, female-male, and male-male sex, regardless of the gender they sleep with. Men’s arousal, meanwhile, is closely aligned with their stated preferences. It appears that it’s not the gender of the people but the sensuality of the scenario women are viewing that determines whether they’ll be aroused. Research suggests that viewing naked men in neutral poses, for example, isn’t enough to turn most straight women on.