Many men think they know all about getting a woman into bed and what she wants once you’ve got her there….but the following is a list of all too common mistakes men can make with a woman that can ruin the mood or make the moment non-existent with that lucky lady!
Sex starts once you’re in the bedroom:
Many men can go from 0 to 60 in the blink of an eye, but for women, arousal doesn’t happen so fast. Sex for women sometimes can start in the morning when waking up together. Men should pave the way during the day with little things, like hugging, kissing, and holding hands. Try and have some fun together and make her feel that you appreciate her outside of the bedroom. Feeling safe and secure in the relationship is key for a woman to really open up and let loose during sex. A long hug can go further that you’d think. “Hugging for 30 seconds stimulates oxytocin, the hormone in women that creates a sense of connection and trust with another person.” –Sex Therapist, Ian Kerner, PhD.
“Oh I know what gets her going and coming!”
Lots of guys feel that they are a master in the bedroom and they know just how to touch and move in bed to give their partner everything she could want and to get her not only to the finish line but that gold metal when she gets there. I reality, just as many women are faking orgasms today as they were 20 years ago. She may not be enjoying herself, and you might not even know it! Don’t be afraid to ask her questions, “How does this feel?” or “Do you want me to try something different?” Guys, while we understand it’s hard for you to ask for directions when going on a road trip, don’t be afraid to ask for directions when it comes to your partner. She will be more than happy to help guide you down the correct path!
Making a plan and sticking to it:
Lots of guys will find something that works with their partner and begin to get in the mode of, “well that worked the first three times, it will work the next three times,” says Sex Therapist Sari Cooper, LCSW. With women, what turns her on and gets her really hot may change depending on her mood, the environment and even where she is in her monthly cycle. Maybe one week she is really aroused by a soft light touch, then next week perhaps her nipples are more sensitive and she wants more of the attention on them. Pay attention to your partner and try many different things and make sure you watch how she reacts, and responds to your actions. Many women often complain that men move on to the next thing just as they are really starting to enjoy an activity. Once you find something that she likes, spend some time there and let her really enjoy it, most women are more than happy to return the favor when it’s their turn.
Sex is strictly physical:
Lots of guys believe that sex is all about touching, kissing, and physical interaction, but for women sex is so much more. Expand your idea of foreplay. Men like to focus on physical stimulation and often ignore the all too powerful mental stimulation that women often need with intercourse. While men get stirred up easily by what they see, women fantasize a lot during sex as a part of the arousal process. Join in with her fantasy; share a sex story or a fantasy of your own. Lots of women are more open and willing to try out different fantasies if their partner is willing to open up and talk to her about it.
Expecting intercourse to give her an orgasm:
Lots of guys don’t realize that for over 80% of women, intercourse alone won’t do the trick. Why is this? Most sex positions don’t directly stimulate the clitoris. While yes, intercourse does feel good for a woman but there are other ways to please her. Women however orgasm much more consistently from oral sex then from intercourse. Also, trying sex with the women on top or adding a vibrator made for couples to use during sex. Men should feel comfortable, not threatened by a sex toy. To help her hit that high note, take the time to please her and get her going before intercourse. The closer women are when they start intercourse, the more likely they are to have an orgasm.
Skipping the seduction:
Women like being seduced. It is as important or sometimes more important, than a man’s technique in the bed. It helps men to learn and really know what kind of turn-on’s your partner likes, whether its oral, visual, or mental. The art of seduction can have such a wide range of opportunities, such as dirty talk over the phone, a slow sensual massage or flirting with each other at a bar over a couple cocktails. These little moves help a woman feel very desirable and makes her turned on just by knowing that she is turning you on.
Focusing too much on ringing that bell:
While most women do need clitoral stimulation to reach an orgasm, it can be a lot more complex than most men assume. Around 80% of men don’t fully understand the anatomy of the clitoris, its more than a small “button” you can see. Its nerve ending spread throughout the vulva and also inside the vagina, all of which a great pleasure points worth exploring. Move back and forth the whole area, paying too much attention to the glands, at the top of the vulva, can sometimes take away from pleasure for a woman. It’s so sensitive, that too much direct stimulation can end up hurting the women and in turn, turn her off. Try and spread the love around the whole area, and make sure you are communicating with your partner. Once you can both figure each other out and what your partner likes, then the mind blowing bedroom fun will just be beginning!