Faking orgasms is an ordeal that many women deal with frequently, so much so that it feels almost normal. And once you start faking them, it can be difficult to stop.
The way to stop faking orgasm is through honesty – you have to discuss it in a way that is candid, while keeping your partner’s needs in mind. And while you obviously don’t want to hurt their feelings, you deserve to have an orgasm!
The truth is that most people aren’t taught what a clitoris is, leaving many of us with porn as our main form of sex education. There is also an absence of lube, something many of us need to have great sex. When you’re not taught how your body works, it’s easy to pretend to orgasm from routine sex while you’re really just waiting for the sex to be over.
Many women don’t know how to ask for what they want. Men are taught to be honest about their needs, but women are taught to be more modest. They aren’t comfortable in their skin because they don’t know how they want to be touched and aren’t confident enough to ask for it.
In addition to sex toys, following are some tips to help you stop faking it so you and your partner can have the sex life you’ve always fantasized about.
Thoughtful honesty is the best approach. Honest is best, but you don’t need to break your partner’s heart by telling them that you never orgasm with them. Start by gradually cutting back on the fake noises. You don’t have to be completely silent, but make a lot of noise only if it really feels good. Use your words and sounds to guide your partner to your hot spots.
Suggest exploring each other’s bodies. Let your partner know you need special attention paid to your clitoris to reach new heights. Guide their hand to it and move it in a way that gives you pleasure. Communicate with your partner that this will help you orgasm, and guide him or her gently.
Introduce some sex toys. Two out of three women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm, so be sure you’re doing everything you need to in order to get her there. A couple’s sex toy is specially designed to be used during sex, and your partner might just welcome a helping hand.
Begin by selecting a sex toy that is nonthreatening, small, and a neutral color. You can even purchase a cock ring with a clit stimulator so you can grind against it to get that needed action during sex. Make it about trying something new and kinky rather than your intense need to actually have a real orgasm.
Choose outercourse over intercourse. Get some porn you actually enjoy that shows real clit stimulation and body types. Spend some time engaging in foreplay. Try some sexual yoga positions or give each other a long massage. Instead of going right to intercourse, make the entire sexual game about outercourse, which takes the pressure off getting to sex and lets you explore your pleasure in new, unique ways. Touch each other, touch yourselves, and watch what each of you likes.
Life is too short to fake orgasms! Make seeking your orgasm an adventure the two of you can embark on together. Sex should be enjoyed regularly – if something isn’t working for you, suggest something different. Remember, your partner doesn’t know you’re faking it, so he or she needs your help. Ultimately, your orgasm is literally in your hands.