Sexology 101

Sex Toys for Men: How To Get Rid of the Shame It's not about masculinity.

Sex toys for men are now commonly available and more men than ever are buying them. But the shame remains for many men who are afraid of what sex toys say about their masculinity, virility, and even their sexuality. Most of this is due to the lack of sex education and the misconceptions about what a man’s role is in pleasure and sex.

If shame is keeping you or your partner from exploring sex toys for men, here are some ways to diminish those feelings.

Make Masturbation Normal

Many men, whether in or out of relationships, still masturbate, as do many women. But if no one’s discussing it, it can become a taboo topic. And because sex toys are commonly used in masturbation, this provides an opportunity to normalize two sources of needless shame — sex toys and masturbation. No one partner can meet all of our sexual needs, so by making masturbation common, you’ll be reducing half the shame surrounding sex toys for men.

Use Sex Toys With Each Other

Once you see for yourself how your sexual skills can work together with a sex toy, there’s a lot less to fear. Men, if your partner regularly uses sex toys — a vibrator, a dildo, anal toys, whatever — ask if you can try it together. This can make the conversation about playing with your own toys much easier, too. Watching the pleasure your partner gets from the way you touch them AND their sex toy might give you the confidence you need to see sex toys as what they really are — tools of pleasure.

Discuss It

For men who use sex toys, finding places —with certain friends or online — to talk about it helps make what you’re doing “normal.” For those in relationships, bring up the topic as often as possible. Talking about sex toys that you use alone or want to use together makes the topic less taboo and not something that needs to be concealed. Depending on what works best for you, this can be a simple conversation over coffee or something you bring up when you’re both naked, relaxed, and turned on.

Sex Toys for Men are Enhancements Not Replacements

For some men, realizing that their partner uses a sex toy is a big problem because they think it means they’re not satisfying their partner. They view sex toys as a replacement or the enemy. While we can always improve our sexual skills, sex toys don’t simply replace a bad lover. Instead, they enhance forms of pleasure that tongues, lips, hands, and penises cannot provide alone. This is why it’s so important that using sex toys and masturbating within relationships gets discussed more often.

Let Yourself Get Turned On

Okay, so you’re willing to try a sex toy, but you’re worried about what it means and if anyone will find out about it. After you’ve purchased sex toys for men, let yourself play with your new sex toy. In most cases, arousal is strong enough to overcome our fears and inhibitions. Once you know how your new sex toy feels, you may be less worried about what using it “means.”

In a perfect world, no one, of any gender, would feel ashamed of their sexual pleasure or using sex toys. But we don’t live in that world, and too many men think they shouldn’t “need” a sex toy – that it says something about their masculinity if they use a stroker or a prostate massager.

Adult toys are tools to enhance pleasure. They make you or a partner feel good and experience more stimulation. It’s as simple as that. If we get more comfortable talking about sex and pleasure, we can reduce those feelings of shame and everyone can have better sex — alone or with a partner.

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