It can be tough to start a conversation about your sexual fetish with a new partner, and in some part, that’s because of a huge misunderstanding about fetishes in general. A lot of us don’t even fully understand our fetishes, and in many cases, that leads to shame.
But there’s no need to feel that way because you don’t choose your fetish, and truth be told, they’re really common.
Here’s what else you should know about your sexual fetish.
It doesn’t have to do with gender.
Some think that fetishes – especially BDSM – can only go one way. But that’s just not true at all, women can be Doms and men can be subs. And when it comes to trying it, the Journal of Sex Research study found that levels of fetishism and masochism are not drastically different between men and women, reports The Independent.
You’re allowed to discuss your sexual fetish with your partner.
If you’re interested in trying out a sexual fetish with your partner, you might be nervous about how they’ll react. But if you’re in a supportive, healthy relationship, your partner is going to want for you to be sexually satisfied. Talking about sex should be a fun bonding experience, not a scary one.
They’re allowed to say no, and it’s not personal.
Although your partner will want you to get what you need, they shouldn’t do anything they’re not comfortable with. So if they say no, try not to take it personally. It has nothing to do with the person – it’s more about how you feel about trying out the act.
You can always go online.
If you’re single and looking to try something a bit kinkier, there’s likely an online platform for you. The Internet has everything from fetish sites like fetlife.com to message boards where you can learn more about your fetish, it’s an amazing resource.
Your partner may be trying to tell you about one, too.
Remember how many people were interested or had tried out a fetish? It’s not weird at all. You might notice your partner hinting at wanting to try something new. Maybe you both want to experiment in the same way, but neither of you are brave enough to just say it explicitly. Be brave and ask!
There’s probably nothing too specific.
I know that you hear about leather, BDSM, and foot fetishes all the time, but there is seriously nothing too niche. There’s something out there for you – find your people.
Some are more common than you might think.
It’s not all Fifty Shades of Grey when it comes to fetishes. Surveys have found that cross-dressing and foot fetishes fell in the top 10 most common fetishes, as did water sports. So seriously, there’s no need to worry about whether or not you’re ‘normal’.
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