Many of us don’t want to be considered as being “vanilla” in the bedroom. And many also like to do things in the bedroom that some people might consider to be adventurous at best.
That’s why sometimes we find ourselves holding back on our desires when first meeting someone. Letting down our guard can be difficult, especially when it comes to our deepest secret fantasies and desires. Expressing these desires to a new sexual partner can be a bit scary. You wonder if your partner will laugh at you…or slap you…or head for the nearest exit.
But, you never know – your partner may get excited at the thought of delighting in those desires with you. They may even enjoy those same desires, as almost everyone has some sort of kink, fetish or fantasy. Opening up to each other shouldn’t be so scary – instead it should be a fun process of discovery!
Following are some tips regarding how to introduce your kinks, fetishes and fantasies with your partner!
1. Own your kinks, whatever they may be. Be aware that most fantasies, fetishes, and kinks are more normal than you probably think, so try to become comfortable with that fact. If you are at ease with your kinks, your partner will also be more comfortable with them. It’s really that simple. If you suggest the idea as something out of the ordinary, it only makes things awkward, so own your kink and don’t be ashamed of it.
2. Make sure your partner knows that sharing this is very special for you. Sharing a secret about yourself with someone implies trust. So, when sharing your kink, make sure your partner knows that is it because you trust them with this special information. Stress that this is a desire you want to share only with them because you desire them. To drive the point home, make sure your partner knows that by fulfilling your desires, they become even more irresistible to you.
3. Show your partner examples. Doing so will help to confirm that your kink is – in fact – fairly normal. Anal penetration, foot fetishes, spanking, bondage, dominant/submissive and squirting are all routine kinks. And for just about any kink you’re into, there is a video, blog, and/or article explaining and demonstrating it. But, don’t just spring any of this information on them suddenly – instead set aside a time to explore the information together. Once you’ve introduced the topic, ask your partner if he/she would be open to watching a video or reading an article regarding the kink. If they agree, give them time and space to explore the information.
4. Don’t start by bringing out the big guns first. Rather, go slow…start small…ease your partner into it. Don’t start by showing up with a whip and a leather mask! Instead, pick something in your kink that’s not daunting and work your way up. The more comfortable your partner gets with your kink, the more you can bring into the relationship. If you allow your partner to proceed at his or her own pace, you’ll improve the likelihood of them agreeing to something you want to try.
5. And finally… COMMUNICATION IS KEY! Remember: whatever your fetishes, fantasies or desires are, don’t hide them from your partner. Being sexually discontented isn’t much fun for you or your partner. So talk openly and honestly about what you desire – with communication, patience and respect, you and your partner can satisfy each other’s desires, no matter how different they may be!
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