While it may be hard for some to comprehend, plenty of women have reached adulthood without mastering masturbation techniques that actually work for them. If you’re one of them, relax…because it’s okay to have no idea what you’re doing.
Men – on the other hand – are born feeling that when they touch their penis, they enjoy it and that’s that. Women have a whole different scenario down there that can be a lot harder to figure out.
So let’s dive right in and get to the bottom of this sometimes-mysterious act of self-satisfaction.
- Don’t masturbate like it’s do or die. Make sure you have enough time to not feel rushed or be interrupted. If you only have five minutes or you’ve set aside a day like you need to get this figured out, odds are you’re going to be too stressed to allow the kind of no-pressure chill you should ideally feel when you’re masturbating (at least in the beginning). So shut your phone off, put on some sensual music and take your time.
- Don’t hesitate to use some lube. We recommend using a quarter-size amount of lube on your index and middle fingers, and gently massaging it around your clitoris (the little button-shaped thing at the top of your vagina) and inner labia (the folds inside the larger folds that make up the better part of your vagina). Even though you might think you have enough natural vaginal lubrication to begin with, some women don’t and extra lube will make the experience a lot more comfortable.
- You don’t have to focus only on the vagina. Try including nipple stimulation during masturbation, or grabbing your butt or upper thighs, just to see if that feels good to you. Part of the masturbation experience is just to get a sense of where you’re the most sensitive and what kind of touch feels best to you. Also, by finding the areas on other parts of your body that make you feel really good, you’re boosting your arousal, which will make touch feel different (and probably better), which is always great.
- Don’t feel like you have to begin by pounding your clit. Try some more low-key playful touching, like running your fingers along your inner labia and along the sides of your clitoris, all the way down toward the entrance of your vagina. It’s a good starting point to get the blood flowing down there, which helps increase pleasure and arousal. And you’re also getting a feel for what you like and you can always keep repeating whatever works best.
- Use a vibrator – but you don’t have to start with it. While you might have a better success rate using a sex toy, using your hands in the beginning can be a great way to explore and learn about your body. Also, it’s also more comparable to the sensations caused by a partner’s hands, so if you have any interest in sex with a partner, it’ll help you transition from one scenario to the other more smoothly, and give your partner an idea of about how you like to be touched.
- If you need visual aids, get them. The biggest sex organ is between the ears, so engage your brain during masturbation. Remember sexy times from your past, check out arousing online images or read erotica. Whatever you need to do, stoke that fire!
- Need step-by-step directions? As a sample starter move, slide a finger between your lips to open things up and then get a little lube on your fingertips if more smoothness would feel good. Tease yourself by sliding your fingers back and forth from your vaginal opening to your clit without going inside. Try one finger at a time and then slide a couple fingers into your vagina, curling them slightly. Try using circular motions around the clitoris, rather than back-and-forth straight strokes, making the circles as tight or as wide as you like to vary intensity. This is a particularly good move if you find direct contact with your clitoris is too sensitive and also makes it easier to maintain rhythm when you need it most.
- Use penetration if it feels right for you. Some women don’t like to use penetration when they’re masturbating, but if you want to test it, try slowly (or quickly if you prefer) by moving your fingers in and out while you continue to stimulate your clitoris. You can also just move your fingers in and out without touching the clitoris – basically, you’re just feeling around to determine what you like so you can do more of it!
- You don’t have to stay on your back. While some like to life their legs as high as possible to help reach the internal parts of the clitoris, try turning on your stomach to see if that feels good to you. It’s harder to reach in that position, but some really love it, so why not give it a try?
Now go forth and masturbate…you’re ready!