Sexology 101

How to Discuss Sex With Your Partner

Let’s face it – talking about sex with your partner (or anyone for that matter) can be awkward. Not only are you uncomfortable talking to your friends about the subject, but it can be even harder to talk about sex with your partner because you worry what they’ll think. Will they laugh…be disgusted…how do you even bring it up…how do you talk about sex with your partner??

Take a deep breath. Yes – they might laugh or be surprised – but they also might be totally into it. They may have been waiting for you to raise the topic because they were also nervous and or uncomfortable. Many times our worst-case scenarios don’t happen and what could very well happen is a sexy conversation about your desires.

Embrace the awkward. This topic can be especially difficult if you’ve never discussed it before, but it gets a bit easier with time. Many sex educators even struggle to talk to their own partner(s) about sex.

Have the talk anyway. Swallow your pride and just dive right in. Talking about sex helps you have better sex and stronger relationships because when you do so you build intimacy by learning about each other’s deepest desires. You also give them permission to talk about these things with you. Lastly, you get new ideas. Maybe your partner wants to try something you never thought about before. In short, these conversations help you have a more intimate, adventurous, and satisfying sex life.

5 Ways To Talk To Your Partner About Sex

See, discussing sex doesn’t have to be so difficult – when you are ready to talk to your partner about sex, here are 5 ways to make the conversation easier.

  1. Use this blog post as a reason to start the discussion.Books and blogs are some of the best sex conversation starters. They are so easy to work in by saying, “Hey I was reading this thing today….” like you would any other interesting news.
  1. Talk about one topic at a time. Once you get started talking about sex, it’s easy to want to share everything at once. Don’t. Choose the one that is most important to you and only talk about that. There’s no right or wrong answer – it’s whatever you need to talk about the most.
  1. Know what to discuss when. There are things you talk about during sex and things you talk about once you’re clothes are back on and the blood has returned to your brain. If it’s not on this list, wait until you’re fully clothed to bring it up.
  • Ask permission.
  • Give guidance.
  • Express appreciation.
  • Check-in.
  • Give positive suggestions.
  • Talk dirty.
  • Share if something hurts or feels uncomfortable.
  1. Define what you mean. A lot of things done during sex can have multiple meanings that differ from its actual definition. So let your partner know exactly what you mean when you suggest something.
  1. Avoid yes or no questions. Nothing stops a sex conversation faster than “Have you heard of X?” Instead, try asking what they think about X and only then ask if they are interested in trying it. Let the conversation flow from there – if you don’t ask, you’ll never know!

We can’t promise your partner will be into the same desires as you or that feelings won’t get hurt, but we do know that your desires will never get fulfilled if you don’t take a chance and ask.

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