Masturbation can be totally unnerving. Even if you’ve been doing it for years, you may be having trouble reaching orgasm or wonder if your technique could use some fine-tuning. Perhaps you’re feeling frustrated about masturbation, too, and you’re looking for a way to get into it or enjoy it more. Maybe you already masturbate, but you’re not feeling satisfied with your practice. (Masturbation Tips for Women.)
With that said, let’s dive into some masturbation tips!
- There’s more than one way to stimulate yourself. We all like being touched different ways, and sometimes, we’re not even sure what they are. When we take the time to explore on our own, both our solo and partnered sex lives benefit. You may be frustrated with masturbation simply because you’ve been trying the same method over and over with no luck. No two people like the same things. You might prefer rubbing, pinching, tickling, circular motions, up-and-down or side-to-side strokes, or even light smacking, but you’ll never know until you try them all.
- Give yourself pressure-free time to explore. If you know types of stimulation that you don’t enjoy, you’re already on your way to figuring out what you do. The process of elimination takes courage, determination, and patience, and sometimes it takes a few misses to find a hit. Allow yourself some uninterrupted time to explore your body, and don’t pressure yourself to reach orgasm by the end. If it happens, great; if not, you’re gathering valuable information about how to make yourself feel great.
- Use a tool or two. Solo sex can absolutely involve toys! After all, no human has vibrating hands or genitals. Vibrators use rotary motors to create rumbly, buzzing sensations that can feel delicious internally and externally. They can even stimulate deeper portions of the clit if you apply enough pressure or have a very strong vibrator. At the end of the day, you should absolutely use a toy if that’s the type of stimulation you crave. Dildos and vibrators are also self-affirming tools, like physical tokens to both remind you your pleasure is important and to help you get it.
- There’s no such thing as too much lube. No matter what kind of stimulation you like, lube is a must-have. Even if you self-lubricate in mass quantities, a good lube will allow you to maintain frictionless glide so you don’t feel sore or rug-burned after playtime. Water-based lube is compatible with all materials and is mess-free. (Read: How to Choose a Lubricant for Both Pleasure and Safety.
Half Way There…More Masturbation Tips!
- Start outside and work your way in. Which part of ourselves should we begin exploring? There’s a lot of hype over the sensitive front wall of the vagina, also known as the G-spot. If you have yet to find what your body craves, though, the G-spot isn’t the most intuitive place to start. Let’s consider the clit, the only human organ devoted solely to pleasure. The spongy erectile tissue of the G-spot is found about two inches into the opening of the vagina, but you may not really be able to feel it before you’re aroused and the tissue swells. You may even have trouble finding your clit when you’re not aroused, for that matter! However, unlike G-spot stimulation, clit stimulation usually produces yummy sensations instantly. (Read: How to Find Your G-Spot.)
- Mix up your stimulation. Pulling back the clitoral hood and directly touching the external clit can be too much stimulation, just like it can be painful to directly stimulate the “head” of the penis after yanking back the foreskin. One of the many beauties of a clitoral hood (and foreskin) is the ability to indirectly stimulate the glans.Using two or three flat fingers or even your palm disperses the pressure, and separating your pointer and middle fingers and pressing them alongside the vaginal opening can stimulate the deeper tissues of the clitoral legs. Experiment with back-and-forth, up-and-down, or circular movements, and go wherever your intuition takes you.
- Remember that the pleasure conversation should go beyond the bedroom Sex is touted as being penetration-centric and penis-in-vagina-focused. The thing is, that kind of sex usually does a lot more for the penis owner. Some people with vaginas fear they are broken if penetrative intercourse doesn’t do the trick for them, but guess what? Most vagina owners need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm.
- Unfortunately, masturbation isn’t something that we’re encouraged to talk about. Even the most comprehensive sex education class can fail to leave out the actual steps to achieve pleasure. Even if you’re comfortable talking to a parent or mentor about sex, you probably aren’t keen on asking them for their personal tips for solo sex. Sometimes, our roadblocks stem from something other than a lack of self-exploration, and it’s helpful to speak with a therapist about other things that might be getting in our way.
Most importantly, be gentle and kind with yourself, and move away from goal-oriented thinking in your masturbation. Any form of self-love and exploration that makes you feel good is a wonderful thing.
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