Kink is becoming a hot topic again. 50 Shades of Grey‘s movie adaptation has put bondage and kink on the front page of magazines and blogs all over again. Today we’re offering tips to help you introduce kink into your relationship.
As kink gets greater mainstream exposure, more and more couples are becoming interested in bringing kink and fetish-play into their relationships. However, trying to actually introduce kink into a couple’s sexual repertoire is often easier said than done.
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
Trust and communication are a vital part of relationship maintenance and that’s doubly true here. Introducing kink into a relationship requires that you and your partner have strong communication skills and a firm foundation of trust and mutual respect.
Your partner isn’t a mind reader and you can’t get what you don’t ask for, so it’s important to use your words. Nonetheless, you want to do it in the right way. Find a time when you’re both calm and relaxed so that you can talk things out at your leisure without feeling pressured or pressed for time.
Do Your Research Before You Introduce Kink into Your Relationship
One of the biggest mistakes that people make when trying to introduce kink into a relationship is that they do so without knowing what they’re doing. Many times we have a faulty or mistaken idea of what certain fetishes or kinks actually entail; we base our ideas around what we’ve seen in movies or on TV and assume that these are full and accurate representations.
In reality however, this is akin to basing your knowledge about sex from what you’ve seen in porn movies.
Whether you’re looking to spice things up with some ropes and chains, incorporate foot-worship, role-play, exhibitionism or other forms of kink, if you’re a beginner (or trying a new kink for the first time), you want to do your due diligence first, even if you’re pretty sure you know what you’re doing. There are a number of excellent books available to help out.
Take Baby Steps When You Introduce Kink into Your Relationship
The second most common mistake that people make when introducing kink into their relationship is to leap into the deep end before they’re ready. When you’re introducing kink into your relationship, you want to start slowly and gently, building up the necessary levels of trust and comfort before graduating to the more elaborate (and intimidating) levels. Starting with simple cosplay can be stepping stone to something much more elaborate later on.
Don’t Be Afraid to Be Imperfect When You Introduce Kink Into Your Relationship
One issue that people run into is the fear of “doing it wrong”, especially when both partners are relatively inexperienced. We all have visions of how we want our fantasies to play out and frequently the fear of not executing them perfectly can cause us to freeze up.
Kink – even super-serious bondage scenes – is supposed to be fun. The goal isn’t supposed to be absolute perfection, it’s supposed to be about pleasure and intimacy. When you’re tense and anxious about making sure everything is 100% perfect, you’re not giving yourself room to actually enjoy play.
Planning out the scenarios in advance means you have a framework to work from. You can incorporate potential issues – being unsure, being a newbie, feeling weird – into the scene and feel far more authentic and comfortable instead of having to fake something you may or may not have the experience to pull off convincingly.
Kink and the Importance of GGG
While there are exceptions, couples are rarely equally kinky at the start, and they tend to come about in one of two ways: either they were kinky from the jump or they indulged a partner and became kinky.
Advice columnist Dan Savage coined the term GGG as being important for relationships – Good (as in good or skilled in bed), Giving (of pleasure) and Game (as in willing to try new things within reason). That last G is important; as I said, more often than not, one partner is the kinky one and the other is not. The acts that the kinky partner wants are often outside of the other’s range of experience.
And besides: by trying something new and different you may be unlocking a new, wild side of yourself that you never knew existed. Take a chance and discover a new world of sexual excitement and satisfaction.
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